What does it mean to be sick?

What does it mean to be sick?

Is it laying in a hospital bed hooked up to every machine possible? Or having the flu? There is many different types of sicknesses and illnesses but not all are as easy to define. Most go unnoticed by the people around you. You can never know what's going on in someone else's life. Just because what you see looks normal doesn't mean that's how they feel. People will do anything to hide their weaknesses, people are afraid to be judged based on what they have, don't want others to be concerned or are down right terrified for themselves. 
It's only a weakness if you see it that way. 
Illness is defined as a disease or period sickness affecting the body and mind. 
Just because you can see the physical signs of an illness doesn't mean it's not affecting that person in a physical as well as mental way. The human body can only take on so much before it finally crashes. 
For me I got what I thought was the 'flu' late October in 2017 with that came headaches and an upset stomach. Before that for a while I had been getting frequent headaches but figured it to be stress from school. I was a mess from hot and cold temperatures to having no appetite and my head would pound and ache like crazy. I got the 'flu' twice lasting for a week, twice in one month. Through out it all, the headaches never seized. I would try to go to school but would end up driving home within first period. My friends stopped bothering to talk to me outside of school and I didn't have the energy to reach out to them. After a month of working my way back to going to school my headaches started to calm down, still frequent but not as strong. This carried on for some time and I started to notice how my stomach would get upset very easily. I figured I just wasn't eating healthy enough since I am just a teenager. 
A week before march break I got the 'flu' again and the second day I stayed home and my body was in severe pain. I felt I couldn't move from the couch, I felt as though I was sinking into the cushion. My body screamed and my head pounded and I burned from the heat of the 'flu'. Over time the 'flu' subsided but then I was left with hot flashes not hot and cold like the 'flu', just the heat. My headaches stayed not stopping, I stopped having an appetite, if I did eat my stomach would get upset, my hips to my ankles, and shoulders to my fingers hurt as well as what my mom and I called my "bone pain" which was severe pain in either my shins, knees, shoulders and arms and so on. It would shift places and hurt so bad it made me prefer hitting whatever body part hurt against myself or a hard object because that pain felt better then the deep internal 'bone pain'. It was the worse when it came at night which would prevent me from sleeping causing me to be even more exhausted then I already was. 
The worst is feeling that no one understand the pain your in or how you feel. For me I had my mom to rely on. When she was around my age she had a similar experience, almost the exact same symptoms. She was able to sympathize with me for this. 
I know what it's like not to be heard
Having your friends and teachers not believe your sick and think your just faking to get out of school... 
But your not. 
When your looking for and need support the most, you don't have it
This is the sad truth sick people live through, whether you suffers from IBS, auto immune diseases, cancer, mental illnesses or your sick but whats wrong can't be identified so it's fluffed off as nothing. Or your told 'it's just in your head', 'its probably just period cramps', 'you just have a very low pain tolerance'. You can't see it but that doesn't mean it not there. It's the worst type of sickness, one where your slowly deteriorating on the inside but you smile like its nothing. 
In front of others you smile and try to laugh it off but once your alone you break and cry on your own. 
Ôøº
Who wants to fake being sick, no one likes being sick. Sure you could fake being sick and stay home for a day and relax but the reality of being at home sick sucks. Your bound to the couch or bed because you have no energy or strength to do anything else but sleep or mindlessly watch tv. Your isolated in a house by yourself. Luckily for me my mom works at home so she would be someone for me to talk to and she'd try to help me in anyways she could and she would wish that she could take this pain away for me. But she can't, she has to stand by as I struggle and curl in pain. I repeat the same routine I sleep 10-12 hours and wake up like I slept 3. I crawl out of bed tired and dizzy.  I come down stairs and take the line up of remedies and enzymes. I sit on the couch and put on Netflix to continue my marathon of f.r.i.e.n.d.s.. Every day I hope to feel better. 
I sit on the couch staring blankly at the tv as it plays. My head pounds, while I feel the heat of a hot flash. and I'm hungry but no food looks appetizing. My stomach hurts, my hips hurt, my back hurts, I can't put together a cohesive sentence in my head. My brother gets home from work and walks through the living room and looks at me and says "when are you going back to school"? I simply looked at him and looked back in the direction of the tv and he walks away. 
It's easy to forget that others don't know what your feeling what's becomes normal to you they don't understand. 
In class I've been on the computers sitting next to my two friends and they won't know that while I'm sitting there I'm in pain and after standing up to throw out garbage I've lost my sight temporarily from low adrenals and I stare at my computer not seeing anything. They don't know, I don't say anything because for me this has become a normal occurrence, I just sit and wait for it to pass while they continue talking as usual. 
It is only when you realize that no one is able to help you but yourself that you start to make progress. If no one can see the pain you feel on the inside then it's only you who can change it. Every disease or illness occurs for a reason and there is always a lesson to be learned. It is a true fact that when you are sick you will learn who are your real friends; who will be there for you and stand by you and who will fade away. 
I will admit I am sick, I have health issues, I have Lupus, and fatty liver disease. I have felt more alone then I thought was possible. I have been depressed, I have wanted to just end it all. But I was stronger then that.
Lupus is an auto immune disease that basically means my immune system attacks not only viruses and bacteria but my body's own tissue, and organs. Symptoms can be widespread from a butterfly rash across your face, 'bone pain', chronic headaches, extreme exhaustion, abdominal pain, brain fog, loss of appetite, etc.
Lupus is the Latin word for 'wolf'. "It has been said that a wolf will devour it's own leg to gain freedom from a trap. Even though it may die of the self-inflicted wound, it is free! Lupus, the disease, is an auto immune disorder in which the immune system attempts to devour the body it has been designed to protect".
I AM the ruler of my own body. If no one was gonna help me then I would become the lone wolf and find my own freedom.
The first step to feeling better is to take charge of your self, educate yourself on your conditions you may have to live with and find out what YOU need to do in order to feel better and start to live your life again. Your learning everyday and your constantly making changes and adaptions with new phone updates, social media changes. So why not make changes and adaptions in your life to fit your own bodies needs. 
YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE BECAUSE YOU NEED YOUR BODY IN ORDER TO DO WHAT YOU WANT. SO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. 
Remember "I AM perfectly-imperfect", "I AM unstoppable", "I AM beautiful in everyday", "I AM who I am" ... The list goes on forever, YOU are just as you were meant to be in order to live your life. So embrace every part of you and treasure every gift and bit of love and happiness that is bestowed upon you. Whether it's the love of a parent, sibling, friend, lover, companion, pet. And most importantly the love and happiness you can show yourself. 
XO Summer

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